She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
