we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
no, he came in my armpit
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
