don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
