Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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