spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
