How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
