nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
ugly people sure do ruin things
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
