so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
