Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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