I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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