so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize