Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
sarcasm needs its own font
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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