I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
So many bounce houses so little time
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
