She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
