Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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