apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
