He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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