Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
