now i know why i became what i already was.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
