So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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