Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I need to calm my uterus...
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
