One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
