i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
