I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
