I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
worst night to have a conscience
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
