I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
