Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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