Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
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We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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