My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
