Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
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I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
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That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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