It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
