i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
