All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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