I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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