I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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