i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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