I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
