You don't have asthma, your pregnant
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
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I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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