She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
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Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
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