I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
