I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
