I'm gonna have a badass scar
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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