from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
