Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
