I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
