if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
