If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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