I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
