You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
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