how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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