i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize