I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
