paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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