he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
