If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
