did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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