This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
