pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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