I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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