TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
my sisters under your porch take her home
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
