I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
