Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize