Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
it's great music for shaving your balls
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
