So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
