i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
