did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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