and she was petting her beer can
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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