I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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